Merry belated Christmas.

It's been a while. A long while, so to say. A month and two days. In that period of time, a lot has happened. But I do hope all of you out there had a wonderful, wonderful Christmas.

Opposites.

Good Times.

These are some of my friends. They're a group of awesome people, and I spent most of the weekend with a nice mixture of different ones. I finished my five hour-essay English test today, and I'm not halfway through my midterm-5-hour-essay-test...things. I honestly don't know what you call it in English.

Secret # 104.

"The birds won't sing anymore. It's cold. I miss your presence. I am home, but something is missing. I've got absolutely everything I need, but something is not as it should be. I am a stranger among my closest. Walking between them as a ghost, without anything... secure, sort of. As if I'm under the ice and everything else is above it. I am present, but not on solid ground."

Quiet Storm.

The land is covered by a silent, white snow. You can't hear the careful steps running through the white powder. Everything's quiet, and you can't hear the screams. They come from within, somewhere hidden behind a big smile and a happy laugh. From somewhere behind a cold warmth. Oxymoron. You still cannot hear the steps running through the snow, the steps are moving further away.

Disappears.

The consciousness cannot invent anything new. Like a lens captures the light coming from somewhere far away it picks up fragments of impressions, smells, sounds and thoughts - everything already existing. Everything builds on something old. Everything is based on something done before, thought before. The pattern and way of thinking is based on a slightly different, older pattern. Therefore you don't know how to react when you enter a situation where there are no basic patterns. Yet you meet the everyday and everything that's new all the time. You handle it without fully knowing how to. It's not shown though, because everyone knows you can handle everything coming in your way. You shrug your shoulders every time you are asked about it.
"Guess you've just got to do the best you can," you say. You're looking down at the ground and you do a little kick with the thin worn shoes you've used one season too long, I remember you used them last year as well. Right now it doesn't seem like much has changed. But it has. It's just below the surface. I see it in you. You look up with a wry smile and shrug your shoulders again. "Can't do much more than that, really."

For suddenly it's November again and suddenly it's not too long until everyone are gone with the winds.

Sensible.

// somewhere found in the great cosmos of the Internet.

Secret # 103.

Paramore - Misguided Ghosts

"Sometimes I fear the future. More and more often nowadays. What do I have left when even my closest critize my greatest strenghts and turn them into weaknesses? What am I supposed to do when what has always guided the way fails, when I no longer know where I stand? What do I do when I'm doubting whether or not I've got what it takes? What do I have when the doubt I feel inside is confirmed by people on the outside? Then I've got nothing. "

An other day.

".. That's why I don't like planning tomorrow. 'Cause tomorrow is.. Tomorrow. There's so much to do, there's always something coming up, something new and amazing and incredible. People think I'm nuts, but this is paradise.

It's always good to get going, to move on, but this has truly been a great adventure. Then we're back on track again. Going nuts."

Ridiculous.

From the beginning of fallbreak, from the moment I wake up until I go to bed, and still counting.

Nightdriving.

The darkness isn't darkness - it's blackness by its definition. Complete. Surrounding. A meeting car disappears in the distance, engulfed by the total dark. The silence is in the air, just as full and rich as the blackness. And the fog. Pressuring. It's everywhere around him. Making the road invisible. Only the lights lead the way, yet everything is unclear, faded by the thick wall consisting of blackness and fog. The lights of a house vanish behind him, for a moment he's blinded by the lights of a second meeting car. Then once again silence, darkness. He can't decide whether or not he's enjoying this. The loneliness. But as a matter of fact, he doesn't mind. The quietness is calming. Soothing. He's alone, no matter how you look at it. Yes, there's him and the car, the other cars and the houses. And the animals hiding in between the trees, masters of invisibility during nighttime. But right here, there's only him surrounded by the black fog and silence.

I met a car who kept a slow pace. Probably because of the bad view. Maybe the driver was afraid. Afraid of driving off the road or getting hit by someone. Maybe he or she was afraid of the dark. Or maybe just afraid of the animals lurking around. After staying in front of me for several minutes, it let me pass by.

He realized that he was alone without being alone as he watched the car's lights disappear in front of him in the distance, before he once again was driving into the darkness. And to him, it was all good.

Secret # 102.

"I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do when the day you're gone comes. When you won't be around all the time, won't be waking me up in the mornings with your barking, won't be here to play, won't go hunting in the fall, won't be sitting next to me when I feel lonely, won't be sleeping in my room in the dark hours of the night. Knowing that one day when I leave for school, you won't be there looking sadly at me and you won't be there jumping and barking happily as a greeting when I get home again, is kind of heartbreaking. "

Laugh out loud.

//tumblr.

..I think it's about time to do something that makes sense soon.

Kings & Queens.

This is probably one of the best music videos I've seen. Everything fits so nicely. A personal favorite.

Being alive has its time, being dead has its own.

Kurt Wallander, The Troubled Man.

Curtain call, I'm watching the audience. They have just finished the first, big applause. The biggest of them all. The applause you can hear at the beginning of every play, that indicates that something new is about to begin. They're waiting in excitement to see what this play is really about, the expectations are high and diverse. I curtsies and smile, because I've got the leading role. I've still got a long time left until I'm only behind the scenes, waiting for the grand finale when the villains are busted, heroes found and the drama revealed to its very end. I've barely spoken my first lines, the climax is still not reached.
The play is still young and energetic, filled with stupid ideas and experiences are gathered along the way. Comedy and tragedy are mixed together, it's yet not decided with path the play will take. Not only am I in the lead role, I also write the script. I write it as the play develops - some things are planned, some things are made up as I go. For it is a long time until the second act, when the play gets more structure and more people enter the stage. There will be several supporting characters who will play important roles, and eventually some of them will be more important to me than myself.
When third act begins will even more supporting characters enter, and I will take my place behind the scene. And just before the curtain goes down we will all know whether this has been a piece worth watching, whether I have played the role of the hero or the villain, the comic or tragic part, and everything will fall into place. But there's still a long time to second and third act, for we're not even halfway through the first one.
Yet I have not experienced adolescence, it's an eternity until I reach old age, and right now it seems that I shall never die.

Secret # 101.

"I do want to look good. Just like everyone else, girls particularly. I want people walking by on the street to think 'She's really pretty.' Whether wearing a cute dress or normal jeans, just like any other girl, I want to be content with myself. I want to look in the mirror and smile, because I look the way I feel - young, fresh, natural and more importantly: Happy."

A splash of color.

A grey layout seemed so depressing and sad when everything else is so depressing and sad. No matter how many hot showers I take, I still feel like the cold has taking over my body. Why can't just winter show up and get over with it, so the real deal can start? 'cause right now I'm frozen 24/7. I hate in-between coldness, it's not real cold, but it's definitely not nice either.

Happy birthday.

Well, you're not turning fifteen until an other two more days pass.

Imagine, you've been my best friend for six years now. You're just great, you know that, right?

Like a dream.

I suck. I'm sorry. To the few people actually making an attempt of checking into this blog once in a while: I have to admit I'm not that good at keeping this English blog up to date, not as good as I am with the Norwegian one. Bear with me, there's been a lot going on lately. Lots and lots of track practices, some meets, and more practice. I've been in season for over eight months now. End of January until now. I'm starting to feel it. It's been one big roller-coaster of a season, with both ups and downs. I'm really excited about starting the indoor season though, it's going to be great. I've got so many plans and so many expectations, and I know what I've got to do. Work hard, and just reach and extend limits.

So what's been up lately? School's started again, and it's quite different than Plant. Really different, to tell you the truth. But I don't mind, it's great to be back. It honestly is. I've missed seeing everyone, and the environment. Even though it's in the low 30s in the mornings now and it's getting colder and more depressing day by day, it's great to be back.
But I miss you guys. A lot. I miss Tampa. It's surreal, and so distant. It's like a different life. Sometimes I wonder if it was real all of it, whether all the people I met exists or not. I'm still talking to some of you, so you kind of have to exist, but you seem so far away. Sometimes it feels like I've just been dreaming, that I could've never actually been to all those places and met all those people and experienced so much. It's just surreal. Somebody pinch me.

Searching.

We're all searching for something. We don't necessarily know what. We're searching for different things. Some people aren't sure of what they're searching for, all they know is that they have not found it yet. Some hope they'll know what it is when they find it. We're searching in every direction, back and forth, and we're feeling more and more despair when time goes by and we have still not found it. But maybe what we're searching for is laying straight in front of us.

Forest and green fields.

The sun's still shining, and when it does, it's reasonably hot. You can even wear a t-shirt without being too cold.

Hi, I kind of miss you.

Lostprophets - Last Summer.

A lot, maybe.

First day of school.

It's weird to be the oldest, but being one of the smallest. I reminisce from eight grade that I was a head taller than most, but now I'm looking up to everyone I'm talking to. First day of school is hereby over, at a newly finished school with new classrooms, not to mention new teachers. I might even start enjoying art or music this year. So far everything seems good, except that I'm ready to get out of this phase right between summer and actual school. All or nothing, as they say, this middle-thing is frustrating. I'm going on a some kind of trip with the class next week. It's going to be fun. According to the teacher and everyone else that has gone before us, at least.

Home.

Back to my best friends since fourth grade. Back to all I'm used to. Back to my old life. I was afraid that people had changed or that I'd be so different that we wouldn't recognize each other. But so far it's going good. It's good to be home. Really good. Though, there's an empty space for everything I've left. I think it's called missing someone.

VA Beach.

Good waves, not too salty nor too hot water (Seriously, Floridians are too spoiled with their watertemperature), lots of people, lots of laughter, and nice summer-weather. Can I complain? No way.

Junior Olympics.

I've been competing in Junior Olympics in Norfolk, Virginia the last week. Javelin was the only event that went well, with second place and a new personal best of 117,07 ft. With almost 12 000 athletes, this meet equals the Norwegian Championship times itself a couple of times, so what the heck - I'm happy. It was a good finish of this season and this year.

Thank you.

So here we are again. I've been thinking about how to write this last post a whole lot lately. Not that it has helped, since I haven't found any way to formulate it what so ever. It's hard. I do realize that the flow of words has been rather lacking over the summer, but today it's just nonexistent. It's the last day. Well, kind of. In Tampa, at least.
I remember Open House-day at Plant at the end of last summer. I remember how tense I was in the car before I got there, and how the tenseness turned into shaking when I actually saw the high school. Meeting all my teachers and hearing their briefs didn't help much when I was hardly able to pay attention. I had enough with trying to hold a grasp of reality, and above everything else - where the heck in this massive building I was. Plant might be a little overcrowded, but going from a school that takes four hundred students and not even that to a school that takes around three thousand, is a rather stressful experience. Halfway through Open House I sat down in a staircase and all I wanted to do was to run out of there and never come back. If I couldn't even find my way around school, how was I supposed to find my way around everything else that was new and rather petrifying?
Somehow, I did find my way the first couple of days. Somehow I avoided getting lost. Somehow I managed to stay on time. Not that I remember how, I was generally too freaked out to think about anything in particular. But in a couple of weeks things got better. I started talking to people, and I got friends. Talking English became easier and easier every day I spoke. Just as any other freshmen kid, also I learned to play the game. There were footballgames, homecoming prom, movienights, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve, Springbreak, Sweet 16, parties, hanging out. Among other places I've been to Key West, Washington, Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, and countless of trackmeets. So yeah, this year has been sick. I can't find the words to describe it the right way, although I've written a whole lot already. My plan for this year was "to experience how an American high school works, what it's like to be a part of American culture and practice hard for track. I already have enough friends back home, and I'm just going to stay here a year, so getting attached to people is no point." I guess I failed at that part. I'm going to miss so many people I've met this year. I don't think I realize the impact of this year just yet. I don't even realize it's over.
People will forget me. Eventually, they will. I will forget about them too. It's just the way life is. But some day, out of nowhere, something will make me remember you. Whether it's a smell, sound, thought or words. And then I haven't forgotten about you after all. Hopefully, there will be someone who think about that "blonde, Norwegian track-girl" once in a while too.

So, thank you. To everyone. For challenging me and proving that I can do whatever I want to if I put my mind to it. Thank you for helping me getting a clearer picture of who I am. Thank you for showing me your world, which seemingly is so different from mine. Thank you for being so open. Thank you for making this year the best of my life so far. I'm going to miss it.

A year, and it is summer all over again.

Salty water, hair and lips. Happiness, laughter and smiles, a stingray or two, and some pain. Volleyball, soccer, jet skis and movies. Sunsets, sunrises. When I look through my old posts dated about this time a year ago (as English-speaking people would not understand, considering the posts are in Norwegian), I can tell that my state of mind has changed since then. Where it once before was uncertainty there is now clarity and peace, where there once was fear there is now excitement. I have only got five days left in Tampa, but for right now it seems enough. Because I have got good friends to be with, bodies to hug and hands to hold, and right now it seems like I do not need anything more than that.

Whatever a car says.

When I grow up, I want a car like that. A car with a history. That shows where I've been, what I've done, my experiences. Not necessarily world's most expensive car. But not necessarily a piece of junk with a pretty collection of damages either.

Or maybe I'll just stick to getting a some sort of transportation. Something with wheels, and maybe something to steer with. Breaks might be a good idea too. Something that can take me from point A to point B a little faster than my own to legs. Something that can get me and my camera around the world. The bicycle might have to do for the moment. Considering I'm still a couple of years too young for a licence.