Secret # 103.

Paramore - Misguided Ghosts

"Sometimes I fear the future. More and more often nowadays. What do I have left when even my closest critize my greatest strenghts and turn them into weaknesses? What am I supposed to do when what has always guided the way fails, when I no longer know where I stand? What do I do when I'm doubting whether or not I've got what it takes? What do I have when the doubt I feel inside is confirmed by people on the outside? Then I've got nothing. "

An other day.

".. That's why I don't like planning tomorrow. 'Cause tomorrow is.. Tomorrow. There's so much to do, there's always something coming up, something new and amazing and incredible. People think I'm nuts, but this is paradise.

It's always good to get going, to move on, but this has truly been a great adventure. Then we're back on track again. Going nuts."

Ridiculous.

From the beginning of fallbreak, from the moment I wake up until I go to bed, and still counting.

Nightdriving.

The darkness isn't darkness - it's blackness by its definition. Complete. Surrounding. A meeting car disappears in the distance, engulfed by the total dark. The silence is in the air, just as full and rich as the blackness. And the fog. Pressuring. It's everywhere around him. Making the road invisible. Only the lights lead the way, yet everything is unclear, faded by the thick wall consisting of blackness and fog. The lights of a house vanish behind him, for a moment he's blinded by the lights of a second meeting car. Then once again silence, darkness. He can't decide whether or not he's enjoying this. The loneliness. But as a matter of fact, he doesn't mind. The quietness is calming. Soothing. He's alone, no matter how you look at it. Yes, there's him and the car, the other cars and the houses. And the animals hiding in between the trees, masters of invisibility during nighttime. But right here, there's only him surrounded by the black fog and silence.

I met a car who kept a slow pace. Probably because of the bad view. Maybe the driver was afraid. Afraid of driving off the road or getting hit by someone. Maybe he or she was afraid of the dark. Or maybe just afraid of the animals lurking around. After staying in front of me for several minutes, it let me pass by.

He realized that he was alone without being alone as he watched the car's lights disappear in front of him in the distance, before he once again was driving into the darkness. And to him, it was all good.

Secret # 102.

"I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do when the day you're gone comes. When you won't be around all the time, won't be waking me up in the mornings with your barking, won't be here to play, won't go hunting in the fall, won't be sitting next to me when I feel lonely, won't be sleeping in my room in the dark hours of the night. Knowing that one day when I leave for school, you won't be there looking sadly at me and you won't be there jumping and barking happily as a greeting when I get home again, is kind of heartbreaking. "

Laugh out loud.

//tumblr.

..I think it's about time to do something that makes sense soon.

Kings & Queens.

This is probably one of the best music videos I've seen. Everything fits so nicely. A personal favorite.

Being alive has its time, being dead has its own.

Kurt Wallander, The Troubled Man.

Curtain call, I'm watching the audience. They have just finished the first, big applause. The biggest of them all. The applause you can hear at the beginning of every play, that indicates that something new is about to begin. They're waiting in excitement to see what this play is really about, the expectations are high and diverse. I curtsies and smile, because I've got the leading role. I've still got a long time left until I'm only behind the scenes, waiting for the grand finale when the villains are busted, heroes found and the drama revealed to its very end. I've barely spoken my first lines, the climax is still not reached.
The play is still young and energetic, filled with stupid ideas and experiences are gathered along the way. Comedy and tragedy are mixed together, it's yet not decided with path the play will take. Not only am I in the lead role, I also write the script. I write it as the play develops - some things are planned, some things are made up as I go. For it is a long time until the second act, when the play gets more structure and more people enter the stage. There will be several supporting characters who will play important roles, and eventually some of them will be more important to me than myself.
When third act begins will even more supporting characters enter, and I will take my place behind the scene. And just before the curtain goes down we will all know whether this has been a piece worth watching, whether I have played the role of the hero or the villain, the comic or tragic part, and everything will fall into place. But there's still a long time to second and third act, for we're not even halfway through the first one.
Yet I have not experienced adolescence, it's an eternity until I reach old age, and right now it seems that I shall never die.