Visit.

Number 1, most gorgeous puppy ever met. Her name is Bella, the neighbors' pet. We looked after her one day. She doesn't like sitting still for pictures, but on the other hand, she's only about 9 weeks old or so, so she's forgiven. She likes attacking my sister's Uggs or whatever they're called, and my hair. But that's all fine, and I don't think I've felt more childish with a dog than what I did when we were running around like maniacs, entertaining the entire neighborhood. But you know, you only live once.

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you.

// weheartit.com

So unlikely illogical that there actually is a chance. So abnormally irrelevant that it actually makes sense.Well-known, but yet so unfamiliar. In one moment, a fatal crisis, in the other, to let go of all inhibitions and go with the flow, just to see what happens. From time to time I kind of love being a teenager, even though it means living on the other side of the world and make a complete fool of yourself.

My bad.

Ok. I look at this English blog, and I go: "Oh, man. Talk about being active, and a such good blogger.." But then the good side of not updating properly, is that I've been a good girl, and almost studied for all my tests and quizzes or what so ever the teachers might be tempted to call it. The last two weeks have been quite stressful. Just in general stressful. I guess that's what you get if you over-think, over-analyze, and over-do everything. You know, same old story, and I'm kind of tired re-explaining it. Ohwell. Main point: I've had better things to do than updating two different blogs, to be honest. It takes quite a long time just to figure out what to write, and then actually writing it, and lately I've felt like time is the very least thing I have.
I can't believe it's Christmas-break in a couple of days. I still feel like it's in the middle of summer. It should have been 3 hours of sunlight every day, snowy and ridiculously cold. And I should have known it was going to continue the next 3 months, and be really depressed about having to walk to school every day. On the other hand, I should have gathered a bunch of friends, and I should have been outside almost every single day - me, my friends, and our snowboards, twintips or skis. Yes, we have a lot to catch up with next season, guys. But hey: I don't mind walking around in shorts all day and think it's extremely hot either.

Today's motto: Ice in your soul.

"The week begins hard and difficult. A lot of things are going on. You're not quite sure how to handle things, and it confuses you. It's not until the end of the week you figure things out, with creative solutions. If you're looking for a flirt, you'll find it among friends."


30 Seconds To Mars - Kings And Queens.

It's Tuesday. I've got 4-5 tests the next couple of days as I study for all at once, and I fell asleep on two chairs while doing homework. Two chairs made of tree, actually. And it's only Tuesday. In a way, it kind of fails quite hard as well, but never say never when you have a soul of ice. 2 weeks to break. 2 weeks to break.

Everyday party.

From 1 - 10, how bored was I today?

It's been a good day. At the moment I have an 89,4 in Geometry, meaning that I'm only 0.6 points away from straight As. My englishteacher has been sick the last two weeks, and we've had subs. Subs who's been giving us assignments we weren't supposed to get, and who's been making us read Greek mythology, as we weren't suppose to read. The class has been extraordinary noisy, we had break-downs of a certain degree, and I guess the subs did have a point when they claimed that the bigger half of the class acted like kids from kindergarten rather than high school. But to be completely honest: You get what you deserve. The teacher seemed to be happy with getting back to the class, he had ironic comments in every second sentence he spoke. Still, the very best comment of the day, that made the entire class crack up for at least ten minutes was: "I can't really accept that you guys harassed the sub, but whatever you did... Good job." I believe that even though he claims that we're somewhat close to the biggest bunch of childish brats he has ever seen, he really don't mind us at all.

I believe I gave you up.

I think I think it's kind of sad, since I really had a small hope. Unfortunately, many people know the feeling of slowly rejection. I gave it up, trying to understand small hints that might not even be hints, maybe I'm just twisting reality to my advance after all? The thought of life just being a love-comedy with touches of drama, thriller and horror as well, seems to touch my mind quite often lately. I mean, the filmmakers need to find their inspiration somewhere. But I don't like this feeling. This feeling of never being good enough, the feeling of being so close, but yet so far away. The feeling of failure. But the worst is the feeling of being taken for granted. So I keep asking myself: Is it really that strange that I put up walls around me every time someone even consider trying to make it to the second step? Is it really that weird that I back off every time, and starts to over-think everything? I laugh at my self right now, I don't think it's trouble worth to show the world that even I am nothing but a simple teenager. But if I really gave you up or not, I still want you to know. Know that I have no idea, and I'm closer to more confused than ever, and I cared and still care a whole lot more than I actually express. You know, these walls have a bigger part in this act than it looks like.

It's not always easy to be a teenage girl. I have the best friends I could ever imagine, and I wouldn't change them for everything in the world. I guess I'm more afraid of hurting others than being hurt myself, but both are relative factors. Dammit, I'm a lost cause, a previous friend of myself and the world, and now I'm standing on the other side of the line that divide us. My mood is great today, by the way. I was late to school (wasn't even my fault), causing me to get a tardy, and I had annoying subs that screwed up my day more than necessary. Tomorrow I have a Biology-test, and at the moment I have no idea how H+ ions are related to the photosynthesis. Just great.

99% honest.

The words won't flow as easily as usual, can't find words for things. It's December. It's raining so much that if I open the door, the water will flow in (literally), and I really want peppermint mocha from Starbucks, even though I know that it's not a good idea to get addicted. Now it strikes me: So extremely random I am right now.

As said, it's December. I've lived here half of the planned time soon. In not even a month, 2009 comes to an end. And what have I really been doing? I've done so much that everything is a mess not following the chronological order. Time has passed way too quickly, at least to me. Since the beginning of Junior High it has passed quickly. I still remember first day of Junior High, that little shudder of nervousness I completely ignored, because at least one of the five girls walking together had to stay calm and not freak out. I remember the last day of middle school, and the feeling of both melancholy and happiness when I stood at the top of the really steep hill that was impossible to walk up when the winter and ice came each year. For some reason I still remember our favorite sub and how I threw the most perfect tennisball-throw in the history, hitting him in the back of his head, and all he did was turning around saying: "Nice throw!" while rubbing the back of his head, laughing. It strikes me that now, two years later, I'm just four years younger than he was. In two months I'm turning fifteen, next year is my senior year in junior high, and I need good grades to move further on to higher education. All of a sudden everything is so serious, everything matters. I think it's time to stand on my own two feet, make my own decisions, and to be independent. Since - one way or the other - you're alone in the world. Neither your family, friends, your girlfriend/boyfriend nor your enemies can back you up hundred percent. But I really don't mind, I like to believe that I actually can take care of myself, that I can make my own decisions, and that I actually am independent. Yes, I'm still naive enough to believe it, but I don't mind that either.
I think I'm about to grow up. And to be 99% honest, there's mixed feelings about it.