I think I think it's kind of sad, since I really had a small hope. Unfortunately, many people know the feeling of slowly rejection. I gave it up, trying to understand small hints that might not even be hints, maybe I'm just twisting reality to my advance after all? The thought of life just being a love-comedy with touches of drama, thriller and horror as well, seems to touch my mind quite often lately. I mean, the filmmakers need to find their inspiration somewhere. But I don't like this feeling. This feeling of never being good enough, the feeling of being so close, but yet so far away. The feeling of failure. But the worst is the feeling of being taken for granted. So I keep asking myself: Is it really that strange that I put up walls around me every time someone even consider trying to make it to the second step? Is it really that weird that I back off every time, and starts to over-think everything? I laugh at my self right now, I don't think it's trouble worth to show the world that even I am nothing but a simple teenager. But if I really gave you up or not, I still want you to know. Know that I have no idea, and I'm closer to more confused than ever, and I cared and still care a whole lot more than I actually express. You know, these walls have a bigger part in this act than it looks like.
It's not always easy to be a teenage girl. I have the best friends I could ever imagine, and I wouldn't change them for everything in the world. I guess I'm more afraid of hurting others than being hurt myself, but both are relative factors. Dammit, I'm a lost cause, a previous friend of myself and the world, and now I'm standing on the other side of the line that divide us. My mood is great today, by the way. I was late to school (wasn't even my fault), causing me to get a tardy, and I had annoying subs that screwed up my day more than necessary. Tomorrow I have a Biology-test, and at the moment I have no idea how H+ ions are related to the photosynthesis. Just great.
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