99% honest.

The words won't flow as easily as usual, can't find words for things. It's December. It's raining so much that if I open the door, the water will flow in (literally), and I really want peppermint mocha from Starbucks, even though I know that it's not a good idea to get addicted. Now it strikes me: So extremely random I am right now.

As said, it's December. I've lived here half of the planned time soon. In not even a month, 2009 comes to an end. And what have I really been doing? I've done so much that everything is a mess not following the chronological order. Time has passed way too quickly, at least to me. Since the beginning of Junior High it has passed quickly. I still remember first day of Junior High, that little shudder of nervousness I completely ignored, because at least one of the five girls walking together had to stay calm and not freak out. I remember the last day of middle school, and the feeling of both melancholy and happiness when I stood at the top of the really steep hill that was impossible to walk up when the winter and ice came each year. For some reason I still remember our favorite sub and how I threw the most perfect tennisball-throw in the history, hitting him in the back of his head, and all he did was turning around saying: "Nice throw!" while rubbing the back of his head, laughing. It strikes me that now, two years later, I'm just four years younger than he was. In two months I'm turning fifteen, next year is my senior year in junior high, and I need good grades to move further on to higher education. All of a sudden everything is so serious, everything matters. I think it's time to stand on my own two feet, make my own decisions, and to be independent. Since - one way or the other - you're alone in the world. Neither your family, friends, your girlfriend/boyfriend nor your enemies can back you up hundred percent. But I really don't mind, I like to believe that I actually can take care of myself, that I can make my own decisions, and that I actually am independent. Yes, I'm still naive enough to believe it, but I don't mind that either.
I think I'm about to grow up. And to be 99% honest, there's mixed feelings about it.